View Full Version : Leaf Joke For a Saturday
Leafhatred
6-18-05, 11:09 AM
Saving a Leafer?s Life
A middle aged woman wearing a Leaf jersey is standing on a cliff overlooking Lake Ontario one winter day. She appears distressed. This man begins to approach her to see if everything is ok. "Stop right there," she yells. "And don't come any closer or I'll jump"
"What's the matter?" asks the handsome young man as he stops in his tracks.
"I've been waiting 38 years for the Leafs to win the Stanley Cup and they?re not looking too good again. I'm so damn depressed. Year after year of frustration. I just can't take it anymore."
"Listen", replies the man. "I'm the team doctor for the Toronto Maple Leafs and I can cheer you up if you'll come with me. The Leafs have improved a lot recently and if you come with me, I'll get you into the A.C.C. for a couple of games"
With nothing left to lose, the woman agrees to go along. The man asks her to lie down in the back seat of his car with a blanket over her head so he can sneak her in without anyone noticing. Relieved and comfortable, she falls asleep.
When she awakens she finds herself inside a huge building which is obviously an arena. The man brings her up to a small room in the back. "Stay here for awhile and for the next few games while I try to figure out how to get you in to see a game. But just the loud cheering of the fans for our Leafs will surely raise your spirit."
Over the next few days, the man brings her food and drinks and then makes passionate love to her two or three times a day. Then comes game night. She hears the tremendous roar of the crowd and she smiles, delighted that her Leafs must be doing well.
One night not too long after, a security guard finds her and presses her into complete confession.
"The team doctor saved my life. Now he's bringing me food and drinks and I get to listen to the roar of the thousand of Leaf fans here at the A.C.C. He?s been tremendous. Oh, she also admits with a slight blush, he's also screwing me.
"You better believe he's screwing you, lady, says the Security guard. This is the Corel Center." :D
http://re2.mm-a.yimg.com/image/776679418
You need professional help LH. Professional joke writing help.
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Newfie John
6-18-05, 2:33 PM
The only funny thing here is LH trying to be funny.
Hatred, your problem is that your jokes are way too long. Go for the one line zingers. You know, the short attention span of internet surfers doesn't lend to your long joke style.
THe late great Henny Youngman was master of the one-liners...
Tie Domi goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You're crazy" Domi says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"
ba-dum-psshhhhhh
Two Leafs at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
*laughter* :laughing:
Hatred, your problem is that your jokes are way too long. Go for the one line zingers. You know, the short attention span of internet surfers doesn't lend to your long joke style.
THe late great Henny Youngman was master of the one-liners...
Tie Domi goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You're crazy" Domi says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"
ba-dum-psshhhhhh
Two Leafs at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
*laughter* :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Now thats funny :wave:
Click for truly laughable facts about the Leaf. (http://hockeydb.com/ihdb/draft/teams/dr000038.html)
They drafted Tie Domi 27th overall?!?! :eek:
Click for truly laughable facts about the Leaf. (http://hockeydb.com/ihdb/draft/teams/dr000038.html)
They drafted Tie Domi 27th overall?!?! :eek:
Actually in 1988, Domi had a career high 43 points (including his one and only 20 goal season) with the Peterborough Petes. To go along with his 292 PIM.
In 1988 and 1989 in juniors combined, Domi had 13 goals and 18 assists (31 points) in 29 playoff games. Nothing wrong with that.
Actually in 1988, Domi had a career high 43 points (including his one and only 20 goal season) with the Peterborough Petes. To go along with his 292 PIM.
So? 43 points warrants one to go in the top 30? And the penalty figures shouldn't have been a selling point, either. If you're getting 300 PIM in 60 games you start hurting your team more than you are helping it. If the Leafs wanted a goon they could've got one later in the draft.
In 1988 and 1989 in juniors combined, Domi had 13 goals and 18 assists (31 points) in 29 playoff games. Nothing wrong with that.
That was impressive, but it doesn't justify taking him over some of the other players that year even without the benefit of hindsight. And if the Leafs were looking for productivity in the playoffs why not take Mark Recchi? He had 31 pts in 17 GP that year and had 175 pts in the regular season. Sure, he didn't have as many penalties as Domi but he did have more PIM's than GP.....
Although Recchi, on draft day, would've looked like a questionable pick at 27th in his own right he would have looked better than Domi.
Actually in 1988, Domi had a career high 43 points (including his one and only 20 goal season) with the Peterborough Petes. To go along with his 292 PIM.
In 1988 and 1989 in juniors combined, Domi had 13 goals and 18 assists (31 points) in 29 playoff games. Nothing wrong with that.
June 28, 1990
New York Rangers traded Greg Johnston to Toronto
for Tie Domi and Mark Laforest
Johnstons Leaf Stats are impressive. 3 Games, 1 assist.
Domi 1989-90 Leaf stats 2 games ZERO points
LaForest never played a game for the NYR
Domi Ranger Stats - 82 games over 3 season, 9 points and 524 PIM.
Not only did they draft Domi, they traded a commodity that was in big demand at the time.
I can see why a team would have drafted Domi. But not 27th overall, considering Rob Ray went 97th way down in the 5th round. In the OHL playoffs previous to the draft Domi played 17 playoff games, scoring better then a point per with 19 total points and still racking up a game +10 minutes in penalties for the Petes.
Players taken before Domi in the draft
Quebec Daniel Dore #5, played a 17 NHL Games
Hartford Chris Govedaris #11 played 45 NHL Games
New Jersey Corey Foster #12 played 45 NHL Games
Buffalo Joel Savage #13 played 3 NHL Games
There are several players that were picked before the leafs grabbed Tie with similar stats. The pick directly before Domi, at #26, Murray Duval by the New York Rangers, didn't play a single game.
A lot of teams missed the boat in this draft year. Players chosen late include
Mark Recchi
Tony Amonte
Rob Blake
Joe Juneau
Alexander Mogilny!!! (a pick acquired by the sabers VIA the New York Rangers ;) )
Dec. 31, 1987
Buffalo traded Paul Cyr and Sabres? 10th round pick, Eric Fenton,
in 1988 Entry Draft to New York Rangers for Mike Donnelly and Rangers?
5th round pick, Alexander Mogilny, in 1988 Entry Draft.
So what am I trying to say? Its a crap shoot folks :)
So what am I trying to say? Its a crap shoot folks :)
exactly. It's hard to predict the future. And about Domi I was just playing devils advocate. :)
exactly. It's hard to predict the future. And about Domi I was just playing devils advocate. :)Sorry Mel, I wasn't trying to take a jab at the rangers. I found the almo thing by accident doing research on Domi and the other players mentioned. I had no idea that Almo was the player that ended up being the 5th pick from the rangers. I mean Almo, 5th round??!! Like I said, its a crap shoot.
No offense taken by me :confused:
Another one who did pan out as hoped was Alexei Kovalev. The Rangers made him the first Russian ever to go in the first round of the NHL draft back in 1991. The hype surrounding him was huge. The raw talent of this 18 y.o. kid was eye popping.
I understand that he played a key role in the Rangers Stanley cup run (along with fellow Russians Sergei Nemchinov, Alex Karpovtsev, and Sergei Zubov), but his career never lived up to the expectations that were placed on him as a teenage phenomenon.
Even with a few 1+ point-per-game seasons on his resume... I feel that his career has been a shadow of what could have been. With the right mindset and work ethic, He could have posted Jagr-like numbers every single year. He had (still has?) hall-of-fame skills, but he just needs a flame under his butt to come up big. (example: last year's response to his costing Montreal a playoff game... he went on a scoring binge, because of the negative attention he received from the fans and media.)
He's had a nice career, but he didn't become all he could be.
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