MadDevil
4-09-07, 4:32 AM
I made up this little story over at HF, and figured I'd share it here as well. Some of the barbs in this story are targeted at certain members over there, so the references may be lost over here. Anyway...
It all started one early March morning when the New Jersey Devils faced off against the Toronto Maple Leafs in New Jersey. Lou Lamoriello awakens from the chair in his office, his copy of his autobiography "Me, Myself, and I: An Egotistical Bastard's Guide To Being An NHL GM" falling to the floor. A nightmare of the Leafs winning the Cup flashing through his mind. This simply can't happen, Lou tells himself.
So he crosses over to where a telephone sits on his desk, alongside the pictures he's used to blackmail every hockey analyst into believing Marty Brodeur is the best goalie in the league, and makes a phonecall down to the locker room. His mafia-hired hitman, Cam Janssen pickes up the phone on the other end. Cam, I'd like you to take out Tomas Kaberle tonight, the nightmarish situation of the Leafs winning the Cup simply can't be allowed to come to fruition, the Devils GM says. Janssen agrees, hangs up the phone, and goes back to polishing the dead skulls of his other victims.
Game time rolls around and Janssen sits around on the bench like a viper, waiting for his chance to strike. Kaberle dumps the puck off and starts to drift towards the boards. Cam lines him up and sends Kaberle flying awkwardly into the boards. Up in the rafter, Lou looks down with an evil grin on his face, thinking that he's finally ended the Leafs playoff hopes.
The end of the month approaches and somehow the Leafs are still hanging around. Dammit, these bastards just won't go away, Lou says to himself one day. So he decides to hold a little strategy session with his two bodyguards, Scott Stevens and Ken Daneyko. They finally come up with a grand scheme to not only eliminate the Leafs, but to toy with their fanbase. So later that day Lou calls up his close friend Garth Snow and runs the idea past him, since the Islanders will play a part in this conspiracy. Snow is hesitant at first, but when Lou promises him a party filled with hot, young, college girls, Snow finally agrees.
It should be noted that part of this grand scheme not only involves ruining the Leafs playoff hopes, but also causing annoyance to Rangers fans who have a strange obsession with the Islanders, and would hate to see their rivals make the playoffs. After getting Snow's compliance, Lou calls head coach Claude Julien into his office. After running the plan past Julien, Lou is surprised when the former Montreal Canadiens head coach disagrees with him. Lou gets so angry that he calls Stevens and Daneyko into the room and has Julien forcibly removed from the premises. Lou later announces to the press that the team was just not ready for the playoffs, while many fans throw protests over this horrific action.
As the season winds down, the secret evil plan starts to unfold. The Islanders start winning games, including a 5-2 win over the aforementioned Maple Leafs, while the Leafs still hang around. So Saturday, April 7th comes, and the Leafs are playing Montreal with a chance to eliminate their hated foes from the playoffs. In a wild game, the Leafs manage to pull off a 6-5 victory, perfectly setting up the closing act of this play. After the victory is secure, Lou goes gives his protege Marty Brodeur a call and tells him the good news. Brodeur agrees that he will sit and let Don Lamoriello's accountant and backup goaltender Scott Clemmensen have the start.
Sunday afternoon finally arrives, and the Devils and Islanders take the ice. The two teams have secrectly been planning out the well choreographed finale since Julien's firing. The Devils look disinterested through much of the first two periods, and the Isles are leading 2-1 with time running out. As one of the fateful twists in the game, the two teams have agreed that the Devils should tie the game with time running out. So with under a second on the clock, John "Mad Dog" Madden ties it up. As previously set up, neither team scores in overtime, setting up a shootout. Since Claude Julien has been fired and NYC cop John MacLean is there to back him up, Lou decides to put his Russian mafia contact Sergei Brylin in. Sarge is a loyal soldier to the Don and does his part by making a move that Wade "The Sausage King" Dubielewicz stops.
Now Lou Lamoriello's grand scheme has paid off. Not only has he toyed with the already fragile emotions of Toronto Maple Leafs' fans, but he has also put the Rangers hated rivals into the playoffs. By eliminating a Leafs star defenseman, by firing head coach Claude Julien, and by sitting his star goaltender and heir to the family fortune, Lou has not only eliminated the Leafs from the playoffs, but has given their fans numerous lame excuses that they can use while repeating that oft heard phrase up in Leafs land "Next year.."
It all started one early March morning when the New Jersey Devils faced off against the Toronto Maple Leafs in New Jersey. Lou Lamoriello awakens from the chair in his office, his copy of his autobiography "Me, Myself, and I: An Egotistical Bastard's Guide To Being An NHL GM" falling to the floor. A nightmare of the Leafs winning the Cup flashing through his mind. This simply can't happen, Lou tells himself.
So he crosses over to where a telephone sits on his desk, alongside the pictures he's used to blackmail every hockey analyst into believing Marty Brodeur is the best goalie in the league, and makes a phonecall down to the locker room. His mafia-hired hitman, Cam Janssen pickes up the phone on the other end. Cam, I'd like you to take out Tomas Kaberle tonight, the nightmarish situation of the Leafs winning the Cup simply can't be allowed to come to fruition, the Devils GM says. Janssen agrees, hangs up the phone, and goes back to polishing the dead skulls of his other victims.
Game time rolls around and Janssen sits around on the bench like a viper, waiting for his chance to strike. Kaberle dumps the puck off and starts to drift towards the boards. Cam lines him up and sends Kaberle flying awkwardly into the boards. Up in the rafter, Lou looks down with an evil grin on his face, thinking that he's finally ended the Leafs playoff hopes.
The end of the month approaches and somehow the Leafs are still hanging around. Dammit, these bastards just won't go away, Lou says to himself one day. So he decides to hold a little strategy session with his two bodyguards, Scott Stevens and Ken Daneyko. They finally come up with a grand scheme to not only eliminate the Leafs, but to toy with their fanbase. So later that day Lou calls up his close friend Garth Snow and runs the idea past him, since the Islanders will play a part in this conspiracy. Snow is hesitant at first, but when Lou promises him a party filled with hot, young, college girls, Snow finally agrees.
It should be noted that part of this grand scheme not only involves ruining the Leafs playoff hopes, but also causing annoyance to Rangers fans who have a strange obsession with the Islanders, and would hate to see their rivals make the playoffs. After getting Snow's compliance, Lou calls head coach Claude Julien into his office. After running the plan past Julien, Lou is surprised when the former Montreal Canadiens head coach disagrees with him. Lou gets so angry that he calls Stevens and Daneyko into the room and has Julien forcibly removed from the premises. Lou later announces to the press that the team was just not ready for the playoffs, while many fans throw protests over this horrific action.
As the season winds down, the secret evil plan starts to unfold. The Islanders start winning games, including a 5-2 win over the aforementioned Maple Leafs, while the Leafs still hang around. So Saturday, April 7th comes, and the Leafs are playing Montreal with a chance to eliminate their hated foes from the playoffs. In a wild game, the Leafs manage to pull off a 6-5 victory, perfectly setting up the closing act of this play. After the victory is secure, Lou goes gives his protege Marty Brodeur a call and tells him the good news. Brodeur agrees that he will sit and let Don Lamoriello's accountant and backup goaltender Scott Clemmensen have the start.
Sunday afternoon finally arrives, and the Devils and Islanders take the ice. The two teams have secrectly been planning out the well choreographed finale since Julien's firing. The Devils look disinterested through much of the first two periods, and the Isles are leading 2-1 with time running out. As one of the fateful twists in the game, the two teams have agreed that the Devils should tie the game with time running out. So with under a second on the clock, John "Mad Dog" Madden ties it up. As previously set up, neither team scores in overtime, setting up a shootout. Since Claude Julien has been fired and NYC cop John MacLean is there to back him up, Lou decides to put his Russian mafia contact Sergei Brylin in. Sarge is a loyal soldier to the Don and does his part by making a move that Wade "The Sausage King" Dubielewicz stops.
Now Lou Lamoriello's grand scheme has paid off. Not only has he toyed with the already fragile emotions of Toronto Maple Leafs' fans, but he has also put the Rangers hated rivals into the playoffs. By eliminating a Leafs star defenseman, by firing head coach Claude Julien, and by sitting his star goaltender and heir to the family fortune, Lou has not only eliminated the Leafs from the playoffs, but has given their fans numerous lame excuses that they can use while repeating that oft heard phrase up in Leafs land "Next year.."