Kansas and evolution

[Max Power]

http://www.venganza.org/index.htm
OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I?m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I?m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don?t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I?m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don?t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/surreal48/piratesarecool3.jpg
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/surreal48/him.jpg

To help please visit the website
http://www.venganza.org/index.htm

[bluemeanie]

I've been telling people about FSMism for years now, I'm glad that Mr. Henderson has been able to take our pleads to the public's eye.

We're rooting for you Brother-r-r-r-r-rrrr!!!

http://www.pubcat.org.uk/images/pics/Pirates-065.jpg


http://www.venganza.org/mug1.jpg
This mug holds coffee AND pisses off Jesus.

[Max Power]

After looking at that graph I'm now a believer
Who would of thunk them pirates were helping us all along

[PDO]

I always thought it was an octopus, but a spaghetti monster makes so much more sense...

[Bob burns]

Kansas eh? Well we have a little saying here in Tennessee, if you fool, me, once, uhh, Texas?

By Tim Wise

As a child reared in the very buckle of America's Bible belt, I can clearly remember hearing people speak of how Jesus was "in their hearts," and was the cornerstone of their lives. Coming from most, the sincerity with which such proclamations were made was touching, even if I, as a Jew (and for a good portion of my life an agnostic one at that), didn't share their particular faith.

Yet at the same time, I often found myself wondering, and still do, why many of those who insist on how important their personal relationship with Jesus is, sometimes say and do things that call into question how deeply their Christianity truly runs.

By this, I do not mean people who act contrary to the tenets of Christianity, per se. After all, there is nothing surprising about people acting in contravention of their stated principles: everyone does that from time to time, and Christians surely have no monopoly on hypocrisy. Jews, Muslims, believers and non-believers of all stripes are quite studied at saying one thing and doing another. It appears to be part of the human condition.

So no, I am not speaking of those good Christians who support wars based on deception, or what the Bible calls "false witness." Nor am I speaking of those Christians who, in my state of Tennessee, are watching, without raising their voices by even a decibel as several hundred thousand of their neighbors get thrown off the state's health care plan this week.

That termination from TennCare will leave many without the means to obtain prescriptions and treatment for even terminal illnesses matters not, it seems, to most of Nashville's evangelical church community. Indeed, many in that particular contingent voice support for the Governor's belt-tightening measures. After all, they're tired of "paying taxes to take care of others," and, you'll hear them cluck, if "those people" would just work harder, or perhaps stop smoking, they wouldn't have so many health problems in the first place.

What would Jesus do? Why, lecture the poor, of course, after lobbying for tax cuts. He was famous for both. But as bad as that is, and as much as I've now spent a few paragraphs on it, that is not actually the focus of my thoughts this day.

Rather, I am speaking now of those whose actions seem to imply that they are less than thoroughly convinced about the strength of their own beliefs, or those of others like them; folks whose actions raise the question, just how faithful are persons of faith after all?

Recently, I got to thinking about this question because of the announcement that President Bush had gone on record as supporting the teaching of "intelligent design" in American schools. For those unfamiliar with the concept, it is but the latest pseudo-scientific prattle pushed by those who wish to insert religion into the nation's educational system under the guise of something else.

Not as blatantly theological as its illegitimate cousin, "creation science," many in the evangelical community have latched on to it as a way to get God back in the classroom, however subtly. Though the theories put forth by its advocates are untestable (and thus, by definition unscientific, as even many of the advocates themselves acknowledge), folks like Bush see no problem with the idea that ID, as it's called, should be added to high school science classes, alongside evolution, as just another "theory."

That such scientific illiteracy masquerading as open-mindedness comes from a man who believes there is no evidence of global climate change should surprise no one of course. But what is surprising, or at least disturbing, is how readily so-called people of faith have jumped on the ID bandwagon, even as the movement to "prove" matters of faith calls into question the very nature and extent of that faith in the first place.

After all, what kind of faith is it that requires (and seeks out) proof?

Faith is supposed to come from the heart, because by definition it is not about empirical evidence as generally required by the mature brain. Faith is about something less tangible than science, but just as real for those who have it. Turning faith into something that can be proven, something that can be validated ostensibly by the strictures of the scientific method (and which needs to be in order to be taken seriously), suggests that those proclaiming their faith are not nearly as convinced as they would have us believe.

Of course none of this is particularly new. One of the reigning hallmarks of Western Christianity (at least in its dominant white version, which is very different than that practiced in most of the black church, or by liberation theologians in Latin America, or even by white rebels like Jim Wallis or Tony Campolo) has been the stunning faithlessness of its approach to God, as evidenced by the capitalistic way in which it has been commoditized, and the way in which it has sought out things like ID to validate its key concepts.

Christians who follow a faith such as this are the kind of folks who regularly engage in "gotcha" religiosity: you know the type; people who quickly point to this or that Scriptural verse as proof that Jesus was the living embodiment of God the father, without whom one is lost. They will write books about the hidden "code" in the Bible that proves this to be true with mathematical precision. They will point to the shroud of Turin as proof of Jesus' divinity and resurrection.

They will point to seemingly out-of-place wood on what they believe to be the Biblical Mount Ararat as proof that the flood described in the book of Genesis happened exactly as written there: forty days and forty nights on a Gregorian calendar that didn't even exist yet, ridden out by Noah, Sarah and every animal two-by-two.

They will speak of the sun dancing in the sky at Fatima, or Medjugorje or some such place--an absolute physical impossibility which would result in the instantaneous destruction of Earth and all its inhabitants--as proof of something important having to do with Mary.

They will look for miracles on the sides of refrigerators, in windowpanes, in the clouds, in coffee mugs, or anywhere else where they might be able to find the image of Jesus, and then upon finding that image will insist that these are proof of everything they believe.

And now they will push for the teaching of intelligent design, or worse yet, creation science, so as to prove that the Biblical account of the origins of the Universe are true as written, to the letter: from the 900-year life spans of early Scriptural figures, to the two utterly contradictory and incompatible creation stories that occur within the first few verses of Genesis--all of it.

It's as if believing is not enough; it's as if one must find forensic evidence as though one were conducting a murder investigation. But what kind of faith looks for, indeed requires, such proof?

Not a very strong one.

By striving to produce empirical validation for their beliefs, many modern Christians have turned questions of faith into the equivalent of a high school debate tournament. Believers then get so bogged down in proving the minutiae of what God said, when, to whom, and with what meaning, that they miss the essence of the creator they claim to be worshipping and call into question the depths of their belief system, which, were it strong, would hardly need evidence.

It all raises the obvious question as to why people of faith can't simply be secure in their beliefs, in their faith, in their personal relationship with God, but instead must treat faith claims as science, as provable, as empirical, and thereby cheapen the beauty of faith itself? Why must they turn that which is sacred into that which is profane?

Could it be that self-proclaimed believers aren't as sure of their own views as they insist? Perhaps it is all part of the same self-doubt that leads so many churches to build ever-larger buildings and chapels (even when half the pews are empty each week) as if to say, "Look at us, look at our devotion." What is the "mega-church" after all, if not an attempt to outdo others and prove one's religiosity, not to God, who presumably, can already read what is in the hearts of parishioners, but rather to oneself?

At the end of the day, one has to ask just what is the value of a faith that spends as much time trying to turn its key tenets into accepted fact as it does worshipping and celebrating the awe and wonder of creation? Why is the unsettled, unprovable, ultimately un-scientific nature of true faith so scary? Why, in other words, are Christians so defensive (and for that matter fundie Jews and Muslims too), that they must project their own insecurities into the world in utterly faithless form?

To persons of true faith, the value of this kind of religion is altogether lacking, which probably explains why many Christians, who seem to place more emphasis on outward manifestations of piety than a commitment to living by Christ-like principles--people like George W. Bush, for example--think it's such a great idea.

[grim]

http://www.empirewilderness.com/weblog/images/creationismcartoon.jpg

[charlio lemieux]

Reports of the all-powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster are filtering out of central Ontario, Canada today. Apparently it was seen swimming in Georgian Bay on the East side of Lake Huron. Why? We're not sure. But rumor has it that the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Sleeping Giant rock formation were once an item. Perhaps, this was a Booty Call.

Currently a clean-up effort is under way to remove what appears to be large chunks of Parmesean Cheese Now Floating on the Bay. I talked to one of the clean-up crew:
" Ya, well, you see man, there's these big chunks of cheese right. And, um, we, we've got to get them out right. It's a pretty big chunk of cheese man."
I asked if he believed in the Flying Spaghetti Monster creation theory?
"Well, the truth is in the cheese man."
That's all from here. :laughing:

[bluemeanie]

Reports of the all-powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster are filtering out of central Ontario, Canada today. Apparently it was seen swimming in Georgian Bay on the East side of Lake Huron. Why? We're not sure. But rumor has it that the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Sleeping Giant rock formation were once an item. Perhaps, this was a Booty Call.

Currently a clean-up effort is under way to remove what appears to be large chunks of Parmesean Cheese Now Floating on the Bay. I talked to one of the clean-up crew:
" Ya, well, you see man, there's these big chunks of cheese right. And, um, we, we've got to get them out right. It's a pretty big chunk of cheese man."
I asked if he believed in the Flying Spaghetti Monster creation theory?
"Well, the truth is in the cheese man."
That's all from here. :laughing:

You poke fun at the Flying Spaghetti Monster????

You do know that his hell is an eternity drowning in tofu spaghetti sauce.... TOFU!!!

[charlio lemieux]

hahaha Did I do that? :smoke: :gulppint:

[a4l]

You poke fun at the Flying Spaghetti Monster????

You do know that his hell is an eternity drowning in tofu spaghetti sauce.... TOFU!!!

I love tofu. Guess I am still going to the place where all of my friends will be. :laughing:

[charlio lemieux]

:jazz: On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table and onto the floor, then my poor meatball rolled right out the door. :band:

Unfortunately, the meatball IS gone. What has become of it is hard to describe. After leaving the dinner table the meatball was halfway to the road when out of no where the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared. The omnipotent one proceeded to "shoot" the meatball with lightening.

At this point the meatball began to smell really good, but it also started to grow larger, and sprout what would eventually become Spaghetti tenticles. The two creatures have left the area. I'm sure there will be more sightings.


:band: " I got kicked off of Noah's ark turned my cheek to one kind remark, there was two of everything and one of me. As the rains came tumbling down I held my breath and I stood my ground, and watched that ship go sailing out to sea." :jazz: